Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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