Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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