I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
