Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Two words: blizzard sex
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
