i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
