just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
