Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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