I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
