im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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