I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
