I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Green mimosas i think yes
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
