Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just invented taco cereal.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
