More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I AM VODKA MAN
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
