Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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