I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
