That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
