i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
