Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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