remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
