She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
