Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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