***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
