this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
