Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
