think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
