okay pat passed out under dana's car
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
