I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
