So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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