You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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