I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
