It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
