I can text with my tongue
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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