just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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