Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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