well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
