I am puke
Betty ford says i'm here all night
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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