also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
