Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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