Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
