Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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