just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
