the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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