I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
