Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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