I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
