i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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