How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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