Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
