Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
