Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
