If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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