Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She's the barista slut.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
