you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
